Tuxedo Twilight
by Carmen Delta
Summary: When you've had too much sugar, you can write ANYTHING!


**AN: **I think I ought to explain myself before you read this. I wrote it on a sugar-high. That's right folks, I was writing whilst _under the influence_. So there IS a requirement when viewing this too. I forbid you to read further than this sentence unless you go out and buy a whole aisle of sugary goodness (sour straps and chocolate work quickest for me!) from your local grocery store - unless you have a little corner store nearby; keeping it local is always better than giving in to the consumer chains "SAILOR MOON SAYS" - and gorge on it. Absolutely gorge. Gobble it up as quickly as you can. Then, once you begin to feel a little light headed, go for a short run around the living room and come straight back, do you hear me? If you're sugar high, this story suddenly makes sense, and it could actually be a little funny. If it still doesn't make sense, then you've obviously done it wrong and not had enough, or gone and directly disobeyed my instructions- no my REQUIREMENT! Shame on you in advance! Tsk tsk.

**Disclaimer:** I was not the genius who invented sugar. Nor do I own Sailor Moon. I don't even own my laptop. My parents bought it for me. But I do love Twilight! Which I also don't own.

* * *

"I wonder if Tuxedo Kamen has ever read Twilight?" Sailor Moon mused aloud once she'd moondusted the youma.

"What's that Moon?" Sailor Venus asked as she walked over. No one noticed the superhero in question jump lightly into a tree, they were so used to him disappearing after a fight.

"Well, it's just. He's the perfect guy isn't he? He's the perfect hero! He's always saving me and stuff. And he wears that tuxedo all the time, and he looks so good in it! And he looks just _so_ dreamy with those amazing dark blue eyes and that cologne he wears, the one that smells like roses and spice and..." Sailor Moon trailed off, smiling to herself and looking distant.

Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars exchanged looks.

"How do you know what his cologne smells like?" Sailor Mars asked in a jealous tone, standing with her hands on her hips.

"And how would you know what colour his eyes are? He wears a mask remember? It probably conceals every aspect of his real identity just like ours are." Sailor Mercury added.

Sailor Moon's eyes snapped back to the present and zoomed in on them. Both visibly gulped.

"What would you know Mars?" She snapped. "He saves me all the time!" Then in the blink of an eye, she went back to fantasising about him. "Isn't he just the perfect Edward Cullen?"

"**The perfect who?"** Sailors Mercury and Mars asked together. Sailor Moon gaped at both of them, until Sailor Jupiter jumped in clicked her fingers as she realised something.

"He's that vampire right? In that book? The one Unazuki is in love with!"

"What girl _isn't_ in love with him?" Sailor Moon exclaimed in surprise. Sailor Venus nodded her head eagerly beside her. "I swear, if he wasn't fictional, I would hunt him down right now."

When the Senshi of ice and fire just looked blankly at each other again, Sailor Moon threw her hands up in the air in despair.

"Right, whatever. I'm off to find Tuxedo Kamen!" She declared.

"And what happens when you do find him?" Sailor Venus asked.

"I'm going to ask him if he's read Twilight."

"And if he has?" Asked Sailor Jupiter excitedly, before ducking her head as Sailor Mars gave her a startled look.

"Then I'll marry him!" She called over her shoulder without turning around.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Motoki!" Puffed Mamoru as he raced into the arcade. His blonde friend looked up at him in amusement as his friend hyperventilated on his freshly cleaned counter.

"Is Unazuki working tonight?" He gasped between breaths. Motoki leaned on the counter and replied slowely.

"Yeeeeeeeeees."

What he wasn't expecting was for his friend to grab at his lapels desperately and shake him ferociously.

"WHERE IS SHE?" He asked wildly.

Raising a shaking finger, Motoki pointed right behind Mamoru to where Unazuki was sitting in an empty booth reading a book.

"Gah!" Mamoru threw his friend with such force Motoki fell to the floor.

"UNAZUKI!" Mamoru cried as he dived into the booth opposite her.

Motoki's sister looked up in alarm.

"What is it Mamoru-san?" She asked.

"I NEED TO BORROW YOU'RE TWILIGHT!" He yelled at her desperately.

Blinking, she raised the book in her hands up so he could see the title.

"You mean this one?" She asked anxiously.

Nodding like a wild man, Mamoru was sure his deranged antics would land him in an asylum but he didn't care.

"I'm almost done" she told him, panicking when she saw his face fall dramatically. "I'll be done in a bit though!" She assured him. "See?" Holding up the book to show that indeed she would be finished in several pages time.

"Uh Unazuki?" Called Motoki from the counter. Both of the booth occupants looked up. "You need to finish up with the tables."

Mamoru dashed to the counter and grabbed at the cloth, before racing to every table and wiping it clean until it sparkled. "KeEp ReAdInG!" He called over his shoulder. Unazuki startled but kept going.

"Hey Mamoru? While you're at it, could you please fill the napkin dispensers?" Motoki asked.

Mamoru ran around the arcade in a frenzy, finishing off all of Unazuki's jobs until it was time to close.

"All done" She told him as Motoki started locking up the cash register. "Here."

Mamoru walked up to the black book in her hands slowly. It was a very thin book in his opinion. It would take him at least 5 or 6 hours to finish it.

Thanking her and scampering off for his apartment, Mamoru was gone in a flash. Motoki turned to his little sister, and with a grin, said

"You know, you could have just given him the book to begin with. Haven't you read it like ten times?"

For the remainder of the night, and majority of the next day, Mamoru sat on his couch reading about some vampire coven and a clumsy teenage girl, drinking in as much detail as he could. He could understand however, why girls like Unazuki and Sailor Moon liked this book. That Edward fellow had to be the dream boyfriend of the century. Especially since he was that old.

Just as he turned to the last page, Mamoru felt the familiar tugging sensation in his chest that told him somewhere out there Sailor Moon needed his help. Groaning at the bad timing, he placed the book in his sub space pocket, and pulled out a red rose.

Transforming, he felt the string in his chest turn to a thicker, rope-like substance and he followed it until he was standing in the middle of Juuban park. Looking around wildly, he searched for any youma or senshi about, but he could see none.

Sensing something behind him, he spun to find himself face to face with Sailor Moon.

"So that's how you do it" she marvelled.

But Tuxedo Kamen's brain had ceased function. Here she was, the beautiful Sailor Moon in the middle of the park with him. Mamoru Chiba. He didn't know what she was on about, but he didn't care. He forced his brain to pay attention as her lips began moving again

"And I was just wondering if you've read it?"

"Twilight?" He said quickly, hoping that was what she was talking about. When she nodded, he pulled it out of his sub space pocket and held it up for her to see.

"I'm on the last page." He told her.

Giggling, she reached out and took the book from him. Tuxedo Kamen's hand remained clutching air until he realised he no longer held the book and put his hand now.

Staring at the cover in adoration, she asked him

"And what do you think of it?"

"I think" he started, already knowing the answer she wanted to hear. "I could be your Edward Cullen."

Grinning, Sailor Moon threw the book in her own sub space pocket and ran forward to kiss her hero.

"And I think I" she whispered to him in between kisses "could be your Bella."

* * *

**AN: **I LOVE TWILIGHT! BUT I LOVE SAILOR MOON MORE! WOOOOOO! My apologies if you didn't like it ;) I thought it was hilarious when I wrote it. Shows how "gifted" I am, doesn't it?

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Me!

Which is Em spelt backwards! XD


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